“Why?” I force out and continue rubbing his arm. I need to know the answer to this. I want to know if his reasons are the same as mine. I’ve experienced more before but not in the way that I want with Reese. I want everything with him.

He keeps his eyes on me and sighs softly. “I don’t know, but I can’t stand the idea of not being monogamously casual with you. I have no desire to be with anyone else and the thought of you with another man,” his hand comes flying up through his hair, stopping my massage, “it fucking infuriates me.”

Well, that settles that. Like there’s any other man on the planet that I want to ever be with now that I’ve experienced this one. I scoot in closer and continue working his arm, reaching around towards his back. “I know the feeling,” I reply as his eyes close shut again, his lips quivering into a smile. Silence falls between us and I let my mind wander while I work his back and shoulder. I feel like I’m making progress with Reese, progress out of the casual zone and towards something more serious which I am dying to sprint to. But I know I can’t rush him and he’ll have to do this at his own pace if he even wants to. If I’ve learned anything from the past few weeks with him, it’s that he does everything at his own pace. He likes to be in control, even though he told me that I have it all which completely threw me for a loop. I’m chalking that up to him just worrying about my safety. He was obviously scared for me and when you’re scared, you say crazy shit. He likes to show how much power he has and his authority over situations, as he clearly displayed when he destroyed my dress. So I’ll let him control this, control us because I like the pace he’s taking. As long as he takes me with him.

Nineteen

After giving him a decent one handed massage and enjoying all of his tiny little moans of pleasure, Reese flips on his back and pulls me on top of him. He scoots up so that his back is against the headboard and we’re chest to chest. All the tension in his face is gone and the only thing bothering me anymore is my now stiff hand from his drawn out rub down. His hands wrap around my waist, tightening their grip and I feel him, his desire for me growing against my backside.

“Missed your face,” I whisper and see his lip curl up in the corner.

“Just my face?”

“Never.” I move in slowly and capture his mouth with mine; licking along the seam of his lips until he opens up for me, which only takes half a second. I relish his minty flavor and moan into his mouth. His tongue strokes mine in a way that sets my skin on fire and I’m desperate for him. Tangling my hands in his hair, I pull him closer to me and rub my chest against his. His hands run up my back, tickling along my spine and grazing around towards my front. I’m not sure what he’s better at, touching or kissing. Both send me into a frenzy where I feel like I’m going to combust at any moment. His callused hands expertly squeeze my breasts. “Mmm, right there.” I kiss him along his stubble jaw and towards his ear. “I need you.”

His mouth runs down my body between my breasts, kissing and licking every inch of me. “Dylan, I want to do something.”

My lips pull at his ear and I release it enough to reply, “Anything.” Because I would do anything with this man. It’s obvious to everyone at this point. I feel his hot breath on my chest and he hesitates, causing me to lean back and brings his face up to mine. “Anything,” I repeat. His adam’s apple rolls in his neck and his lips part.

“I want to make love to you.”

I gasp, completely shocked and unprepared for this request. I was honestly expecting something along the lines of anal play which I was totally up for with him, even though I’ve never done it before. The thought of anal sex terrified me once but this, this request that he’s just thrown out between us? I’m not sure there’s anything more terrifying. But I want to, and I can at least try right? For him, for Reese Carroll, for the look he’s giving me right now, yes. I can at least try.

My heart constricts so much that I reach up and place my hand on it, making sure it didn’t just beat for the last time. He wants to make love to me. Love. Not fucking. My mind is scrambling for words. He’s studying me, waiting for my response. I know I’ve been silent for at least several minutes and I’m sure it’s killing him inside but he’s not showing it. His face is soft and pleading, eyes searching mine and conveying that we can do this. That I can do this.

“Okay,” I say finally, and I think we’re both shocked that I actually spoke. “I just need to use the bathroom first.” He grins wide, my favorite lines appearing and kisses me quickly on the lips as he lifts me off him. Without a glance back, I scurry into the bathroom and close the door behind me.

Shit. I’m about to make love to a man that I’m struggling to not fall in love with? What am I insane? I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror and quickly comb my fingers through my hair. My cheeks are flushed, my nipples are hard, and I’m beyond ready for him between my legs. Everything about me is ready for this right now, everything except for what’s burning inside my chest cavity. I can’t even begin to imagine what making love to him consists of. Fucking him is intense and borderline intimate as it is. And that’s definitely all we’ve done so far. If I didn’t know it before, his request just confirmed it. So what exactly am I in for? Have I ever even made love before? I think long and hard about that as I quickly use the toilet. No, no way. Not with Justin. I’m not even sure he’s capable of making love to anyone. He was always so distant when we were having sex that he barely kept eye contact with me. And making love consists of eye contact I’m sure. I hurriedly wash my hands and try to mentally prepare myself for what’s about to happen as I exit the bathroom and return to his bedroom. I’m halted in my tracks. Oh God.

I’m stopped in the doorway by the sight of candles lit and covering both nightstands, providing an amber glow throughout the room. Reese is messing with his phone as he places it on the docking station on his dresser when he turns to me, seeing my expression and straightening instantly. “Too much?”

I bite my lip and shake my head. It’s perfect, he’s perfect. “No, I like it.” I settle on the bed, kneeling and resting back on my heels as I watch him continue playing with his phone. He’s looking for a song and I’m almost one hundred percent sure I know what song he’s looking for. Damn it, I need to look up those lyrics. But that’s not what starts playing as he walks over towards me. “Look after you” by The Fray pours through the speakers. I’m familiar with this song and its lyrics that will surely rip my heart out if I he’s not trying to tell me something with this selection. “This isn’t cliché is it? Candles and music?” he asks as he runs his hands through his hair and down his face.

I smile playfully at his nervousness. “No, there’s nothing about you that’s cliché.” This is completely true. I’ve never met a man like him before and I doubt I ever will. Reaching out to him, he slips his hand in mine and allows me to pull him towards me. “Make love to me, handsome.”

I see it, the layer of anxiety drop in front of me as he crawls onto the bed and pushes me onto my back. Settling between my legs, he begins kissing me in the gentlest way possible. There’s tongue, because with him there’s always at least some tongue, but it’s different. I’m used to the rough, quick strokes of his against mine, against my lips, but these strokes are much more unhurried and tender. Groaning softly into his mouth, I’m quickly melting around him and I’m suddenly not sure what kind of Reese kissing I prefer. His hard I want you now kisses are insanely hot but this, the let me make love to you kisses are radiating through my body, sparking something untouched. He slowly works his way down, kissing every part of me with the same gentle mouth I just personally got very acquainted with. The song begins to play again. He’s put it on repeat? I feel his hot breath between my legs and arch up into him.