I know they’re talking about Lily. I turn and walk down the hall, knocking a picture to the floor.

“I’ll call you back in a few… I love you, too, Sunny Sunshine.”

I’m unnecessarily jealous of their relationship. I know exactly how not easy it is to be a professional hockey player dedicated to one person. I’ve watched Miller struggle with Sunny. I’ve seen Lance almost destroy his career. I’ve witnessed the impact on my own mother and sister. But right now, all I want is someone to fight for, and I’ve messed that up, too.

I make it to my bedroom and grab my duffle bag. My hockey shit should be in the garage. I hope. All I need are clothes. Miller isn’t behind me like I figured he’d be. He shows up a few seconds later with a glass of water and pills.

He holds out the glass and his palm. “Drink this, and take these.”

I do what he tells me. Then I look around my room. Evidence of the past week is everywhere. Three empty boxes of condoms litter my nightstand. A half-empty bottle of lube has fallen over and dripped on the carpet. My bed is unmade. My room smells distinctly of sex and Lily. I can still see the look on her face when I told her I’d fuck her over. That devastation is exactly what I don’t want to cause someone.

Miller snaps his fingers. “Dude, we gotta go.”

“Right. Yeah.” I nod, but I’m still not moving.

Miller shakes his head and shoves three pairs of pants, three shirts, a suit, and a couple of ties into my bag. Then he goes to my dresser and tosses in some extra boxers and socks. A pair of Lily’s underwear must have accidentally ended up in there, because he tosses them on the bed. “Get changed, Balls. You smell like a bar. They won’t let you on the plane if they know you’re drunk.” He passes me a pair of boxers, then goes to my closet and picks up a pair of jeans off the floor.

I have to sit down to make it happen, but I manage to get changed into fresh clothes. I pick up Lily’s underwear from the comforter and shove them in my pocket. I don’t know why. But I need them.

Miller forces me into the bathroom and makes me brush my teeth. Once I have my wallet, he ushers me back to the foyer. I have to brace myself on the wall to get my feet in my shoes.

He shoves my jacket at me, shaking his head, and pushes me out the door. I climb into Lance’s ridiculous Hummer and sprawl out across the backseat. I check my pockets for my phone, but it’s not there. “Wait. I don’t have my phone. I gotta go back in.”

“I’ve got it.” Miller tosses it at me. I try to bring up the home screen, but it stays blank.

“Took you two long enough. What was the hold up? You catch Balls doing what he does best?” Lance puts the vehicle in gear.

“You wanna tell me what happened? Sunny called me freaking out about Lily,” Miller asks.

I close my eyes, undecided as to whether keeping them open makes the nausea go away. “Lily broke up with me.” The car jerks to a stop, and I fall off the backseat onto the floor. “The fuck, man?”

“Broke up with you?” Lance is looking at me like I’ve told him aliens really do exist.

I manage to get my ass back on the seat. This time I buckle myself in. “Or I broke up with her. I don’t know. She said she didn’t wanna see me any more.”

“I thought you two were just having fun.” There’s a bite to Miller’s tone.

“We are.” I shake my head. “Or we were. Last night she said it wasn’t fun anymore. That it was getting, like, serious. So that’s it. It’s done.”

Miller and Lance exchange a look. Miller turns so he can see me. “So you’re telling me Lily’s the one who ended things?”

“She initiated it. Yeah. I dropped her off after dinner, and I was gonna spend the night, or as long as I could, but she said I shouldn’t, and that she didn’t want to see me any more, and that was it. Can we not talk about this right now?” I drop my head against the seat and close my eyes again. I’m leaving out a lot of details, but talking about it doesn’t make me feel good.

Neither of them says anything else, so I keep my eyes closed. All I want is to fall asleep again and shut off all the thoughts in my head, the roll in my stomach, and these brutal feelings I don’t know how to manage. Before Lily, as soon as things started to get intense, I bailed. But with Lily it was intense like that right from the beginning, so maybe it took longer for me to realize what was happening. Or maybe that’s an excuse.

“Hey, sweets. Yeah. We’re on our way to the airport. Uh-huh. We got ’im. He’s still drunk,” Miller says.

“I can hear you, Butterson. You know that, right?” I crack a lid.

He flips me the bird. “Balls says she’s the one who cut things off.”

“You wanna find a different way to word that?” I mumble.

Lance barks out a laugh. Miller slaps his arm.

“Sorry, bro, you know I didn’t mean it like that.” Miller goes back to talking to Sunny. “I don’t get it. Why’s she so upset if she’s the one who ended it?” Miller’s silent for a long time, during which Sunny’s distressed voice filters through, but her words are lost in the sounds of traffic. “Oh. Right. Okay. I guess that makes sense. Sure. I love you, too. I’ll call you when we land.”

Miller ends the call. “Women are confusing.”

Lance snorts. “They’re vicious is what they are.”