I can hear my phone buzzing on the counter. There’s a good chance it’s Tash. Maybe I should answer and get it over with. But I’m tired, physically and mentally. I need some space from her before I can deal. I still hope I’ve pissed her off enough that she’s going to stop messing with me. But she’s calling after I told her not to, so that doesn’t seem to be her plan. She always does the opposite of what I want.

I down a third glass of vodka and pour a fourth. Numbness is starting to kick in, working its way through my limbs and into my brain. I close my eyes and focus on the aches and pains in my body, rather than the one in my head.

Fifteen minutes later, my phone goes off again, ruining my calm. I attempt to pour another glass of vodka, only to realize I’m out.

I hoist myself out of the hot tub and weave unsteadily toward the sliding glass door. My brain is foggy, and the emotions I’ve been contending with all day are blissfully dampened.

I grab my towel, wrapping it around my waist, then trek through the living room, leaving wet footprints on the hardwood and the rug. My phone vibrates on the granite counter, the screen lighting up. It’s a phone call, not a text.

My stomach flips and rolls. A cold sweat breaks out across my skin.

I’m almost looking forward to hearing her voice. I’m almost excited for the fight we’re about to have and all the shitty, nasty things she’s going to say to me, because I deserve them. I fucked Erin, and I left her hanging. I came down her throat and refused to give her more—I wonder if that makes me just as bad as her. I let her do this to me. I let her make me into this person I hate.

I check the phone and realize it’s not Tash but Rookie, as I’ve named him, mostly because I was too drunk to remember his name when I took down his number. Rook Bowman is the newest addition to our team and the replacement for Kirk, whose only choices were retirement or being sent back to the farm team. Rookie’s a good trade and an excellent player.

I answer the call. “Hey, Rookie.”

“He picks up! How’s it going, Romance?”

“All right. Wassup?” I’m slurring already. It’s not a good sign for positive decision making.

“Me and a few of the guys are heading to Rush Street and figured you might be interested in coming out.”

I check the time. It’s not even eleven yet. We don’t have practice until later in the afternoon tomorrow. That’s plenty of time to sleep off a hangover. And then I won’t be as inclined to cave where Tash is concerned.

“You guys wanna come here first? I can make a few calls, see if there are girls looking to party.”

“For real?”

“Yeah, man, why the fuck not, right? We’re gonna be on the road soon enough. Might as well take advantage while we can.”

“Awesome. We’ll be over in half an hour, sound good? You know any bunnies who might be interested in hanging out?”

“I’ll make some calls.” I don’t really want them here, but they’re a distraction, and that’s what I need the most right now.

I end the call and pull up my contact list, dialing the sure things and dirty girls who’re always looking for another player to bang.

Less than an hour later, more than twenty people are hanging out on my back deck or swimming—I turned up the thermostat and put on the deck heater. It’s not pool weather anymore, but skimpy bikinis are always in season.

More people show up as the night wears on. The chaos around me isn’t making anything better in my head. I’m wasted and maybe a little numb to the feelings, but I don’t know half of the people at my house, and I’m tired of them already.

I didn’t bother calling Randy because he won’t come over anymore when I’ve got a party going. He doesn’t ever want to risk the good thing he’s got with Lily, and since his dad couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, Randy’s always been worried about repeating history. Miller can’t and won’t stop by on nights like this either. He’s not interested in getting his party on, thanks to Sunny and the baby she’s about to have. He just wants to be home with his girl. I can’t blame either of them for staying away, but I wish they were here to ground me.

If Tash hadn’t been the team trainer, and if she hadn’t wanted to invite all the extras along, maybe I’d be like them right now. Maybe I’d be hanging out watching TV in my bedroom with her curled up beside me.

But even as I consider it, I know that’s not how things would’ve turned out. Tash isn’t that kind of person. She screwed with my head and made me think maybe we could be more, but we couldn’t. And then she pulls things like she did last night and ruins it all over again.

The two girls to the right of me in the hot tub have started to make out. They’re doing it because they think it’s going to get my attention. Which it does. They’re both hot, both brunettes. I’ve fucked them before. Together. They’re the reason the rumors about me started in the first place. Until Tash, it had been a one-time thing.

The curvier of the two keeps bumping my arm as she runs her hands over her friend. Normally I wouldn’t allow this, but the booze makes me numb to sensations I don’t like.

I just want to feel the way I did earlier today, when Poppy’s hands were on me. But these girls aren’t her, and I don’t have the energy or desire to entertain them tonight.

Rookie’s sitting on the other side of the hot tub, watching them make out.