“John 15:13: ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends,’” Willa quoted softly.

 “He went on all the dangerous missions in the worst areas. Then Bridge asked Lucky to watch over his kid brother when they were told to empty a village before the enemy attacked, and Lucky promised he would.

 “Willa, what I’m about to tell you is classified.”

 “I swear to God I won’t repeat what you tell me,” Willa said earnestly.

 “I know you won’t, or I wouldn’t have told you as much as I have.”

 Shade leaned forward, putting his forearms on his thighs as he recounted Lucky’s past.

 “We were given six hours to evacuate a village of sixteen hundred. I was in place on a ridge to alert them if any enemy approached, but I was ordered not to make my presence known. There was intel that a target the government wanted taken out would be present when the enemy forces attacked, and the government wanted that target bad.

 “Two squads went in. Lucky, Kale, Razer, and four others were in one. They would get the refugees out. The other squad would take them to safety. The evacuation was going well until one of the refugees didn’t like being rushed and turned on the soldiers. He grabbed Kale’s gun and turned it on him. He was shot in his leg and arm.

 “The rest of the soldiers continued with the evac while Razer and Lucky worked on Kale. It took time, and the enemy was getting there sooner than the intel had predicted. Lucky called for air evac for Kale, so Train and his team were on the way to get them out. At that point, everyone had been evaced except Lucky’s squad, and it was those ten men who were left to face the Hell that was about to open up.

 “Keep in mind, I wasn’t allowed to break cover and give them any support. The target I was after was too important. I had to watch those men fight one of the dirtiest fights I’ve ever witnessed. Lucky brought down soldier after soldier, but they needed a break so Train could land the helicopter and get the men out.”

 “What did Lucky do?”

 Shade’s mouth twisted. “The crazy bastard went and found a break in the enemy line then sneaked out of the part of town that wasn’t covered. He sneaked behind enemy lines. It was a suicide mission. He set off explosives that gave Train time to land and get the squad on board.”

 “How did Kale die?” Willa whispered, barely able to talk without bursting into tears.

 “He bled out. He died when Lucky was setting off the explosives. The men tried to get his body to the transport. Two men were shot trying. Razer still tried, risking his own life until the command was given to leave him.”

 Willa bit down on her hand, realizing it must have been torture for the men to leave one of their own behind.

 “The helicopter took off without Kale and Lucky. Both were irretrievable.”

 “Lucky was left behind?” Willa cried out.

 “The squad had no choice; he was behind enemy lines. Train had his orders, and he had to think of the lives on that helicopter. He had his own team to protect, plus the remaining squad members.”

 “What happened to Lucky?”

 “The lucky bastard kept them chasing him for an hour. They got close enough to shoot him three times, yet he kept managing to find hiding places for short periods of time. The last one got him in the back, but he managed to find cover between two rocks.”

 “How did he get out?”

 “Train defied orders and came back for him alone. He wasn’t allowed to fly for six months and was demoted for that stunt.” Shade’s hand tapped the glass that covered the medals. “He received these for saving those lives that day, but he won’t even look at them. I had them framed for him, though, because he deserved every damn one of them.”

 Shade reached for the other medals, and he flicked one open and laid it on her lap. “He received this for saving a village when he was a pastor. He stayed behind because there were children he refused to leave. The children were sick and couldn’t be moved. The squad left him behind. The only one who stayed was Razer. He received a medal also.”

 Shade laid another, bigger leather book on her lap which he flipped open. “He was given this for saving a U.S. envoy that was escorting food to a town that was slowly being starved to death. Only five men have been given this medal since it was made.”

 The last leather book was set on her lap and contained nine different medals of various sizes with a larger one at the top. “Lucky was awarded the one at the top from the president. The rest are from the different states that contained the drug and firearms pipeline that Lucky busted while undercover as Pastor Dean.”

 “Undercover?”

 “Lucky was an ATF Special Agent.”

 “He never told me.”

 “Again, this is all confidential. Several of the sources he used could be killed if the wrong people found out where the information came from to make the arrests. He also was instrumental in finding several women who were kidnapped by a sex ring, and Lucky saved Lily’s life.

 “What you are looking at, Willa, is Lucky’s life. He’s saved hundreds of lives and has made a difference in hundreds of others. He’s a fucking hero, but he can’t live with one fact.”

 “What?” Willa choked out.

 “That he can’t save them all.”

 “He can’t honestly believe … No one has that power. Only God.” Willa’s fingers trembled as she held the proof that Lucky had tried, nearly at the cost of his own life, to do just that.

 “Logically, Lucky knows that, but that’s what PTSD does to you—it fucks you up.”

 “That’s why he can’t sleep.”

 Shade stared directly at her. “Yes. It was better here at the clubhouse, but it’s becoming worse.”

 “Because of me,” she stated, staring back at him. “Why?”

 “I don’t know. You’d have to ask Lucky that question.”

 “Why do you believe the PTSD is becoming worse?”

 “The brothers and I kept Lucky physically active. We aggravated him so he’d come down to the gym to work out his aggression. We kept him busy with paperwork and errands. We also have initiations for the recruits, and we made sure he was always one picked to fight.”

 “The women, also.” Willa bit her lip. “He used knives on them.”

 “Not like you’re thinking, Willa. It’s not about cutting; it’s about trust. Lucky is a master with those things. He never makes a mistake with them.”

 “You’d have to trust someone a lot to let them put a knife to your throat,” Willa said ruefully.

 Shade pointed at the medals still sitting on her lap. “Do you really believe that the man who earned those medals could hurt a woman, especially one he loves enough to risk his sanity?”

 “Do you think he knew it was going to be hard leaving The Last Riders?”

 “Yes, it was hard for him when he was undercover, but building the cases kept him busy, and the parishioners.”