In the end, my solution was to not really do anything at all. Run the show like I always did, speaking with the same easy tone I always used. Keep it chatty, keep it light. I didn’t have to defend myself. I didn’t need to convince anyone or change any minds. I just needed to be myself, and keep being myself, like I always had. Anyone who got belligerent or confronted me—well, I’d do the same thing I always did. I’d just talk and see what happened.

My next caller was male with a drawling, pompous voice. Determined to put li’l ol’ me in my place. “The problem with these so-called theories—every last one of them—is that they attribute vast unlikely powers of organization and influence to groups that in the real world can’t balance their own budgets.” The pointed obviously was unspoken.

He couldn’t have fed me a better line if I’d scripted it. “How about this: that apparent inability to balance a budget? It’s a front to make you believe there couldn’t really be a conspiracy.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“That’s what you’re supposed to think!” I fired back, getting into the spirit of the viewpoint I was channeling. “Therefore you’ll never even consider the Byzantine network of control and oppression hidden behind the façade of incompetence!” I made my voice calm again. “You see how this works, now?”

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

I sighed. “That might mean something if you weren’t the”—I checked the sheet of scratch paper because yes, I’d been keeping track with hatch marks—“twelfth person to say that tonight.”

I hung up on him before he could hang up on me. “There’s a paradox inherent in the very idea of a conspiracy theory. For example, if an alien civilization has the technology to travel the vast distances to bring actual craft here to Earth, don’t you think they’d also have the technology to keep out of sight if they didn’t want to be seen? And the technology to examine a person’s insides without probing? I mean, we have that technology right now! The second paradox: if it’s a truly competent, effective conspiracy, none of us will ever know about it. I humbly submit that a vampire who’s been around for two thousand years will be very good at covering his tracks. And yes, I’m fully aware that I can’t prove any of this.

“So what’s the solution? What do you do when your life seems to be under the power of some sinister unnamed force? I’ve got Parnell from San Diego on the line. Hello.”

“Hi, um, yeah. Thanks for taking my call. I wanted to ask you about this documentary I saw awhile back, about how the British royal family are all werewolves?”

I regarded the microphone. “Yeah. I saw that one. You know it wasn’t a documentary, right? It was a horror movie. Fiction. Not real.”

“Oh. Are you sure? It looked just like one of those dramatic reenactment things, you know like they do?” The guy sounded genuinely confused, which kind of confused me. I didn’t think it was this hard.

“I’m pretty sure it was a movie.” If only I could be this sure about everything.

“You don’t think it’s based a little bit on a true story? You were just in London and all, I thought maybe you’d be able to tell.”

“If the British royal family are werewolves? I never got anywhere near them. The queen doesn’t live at the airport shaking the hands of everyone who flies into the country.”

“Oh. Well, okay. I guess.”

“Right,” I said, sighing. “Next call, please. You’re on the air.”

“Hi, Kitty, I’m such a big fan, it’s so good to talk to you.” She was a woman, her voice clear and straightforward. She sounded sensible, at least. One could hope.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I know you’ve been getting a lot of crap lately about some of the things you’ve been saying, that people say you’re stirring up trouble and all. And, well … I live in Denver and I’ve been listening to you from the beginning. Whatever happens, I hope you don’t stop doing what you’ve always done.”

I leaned on the desk, feeling suddenly tired. “I’ve been a little distracted,” I said. “Just what is it I’ve always done? What do you think I’ve always done?”

“You help people. That’s why you started, right? To help people. Please don’t forget about that.”

I felt like I’d been punched. I wanted to cry—and I wanted to give her a hug. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Not with Roman, the show, a new house, a new book, any of it. But the only way to find out was to keep moving forward.

“I’ll do my best,” I said finally.

“Thank you,” she said, sincerely, emotionally.

“No,” I said softly. “Thank you.”