“Thank you for sharing New Year’s with me, Megan.”

She blinked up at him, looking almost surprised that he hadn’t insisted on taking her anyway. Or, he thought as her expression shifted again, had she been expecting him to kiss her again to try to get her to stay for breakfast? Was she disappointed that he hadn’t? And didn’t she realize he couldn’t force her to do anything? That he didn’t want her to resent him for pushing her too hard, too fast?

Finally, she said, so quietly he would have missed it if he hadn’t been so attuned to her every breath, “I had fun.”

She turned to go, but then, at the last second, she moved back toward him. This time, he was the one who was surprised as she took the warm foil packet from him, said, “Thanks for breakfast,” and went up on her tippy toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

* * *

Nothing made sense anymore. Megan was old enough to know right from wrong, to know when she was setting herself up for a huge fall. So then what was she doing, falling back into bed with Gabe whenever there was one nearby?

She could accept that there wasn’t a woman alive strong enough to resist his charm. She couldn’t imagine someone not liking him. Only, liking someone, appreciating someone for his good qualities, laughing with him, enjoying a meal together—all of that was very different from begging him for a kiss.

Worse, she’d taken it further than begging. Much further. She’d actually ripped her clothes off and then shredded his, too. And, okay, maybe making love on his rooftop had been unavoidable given a long week of wanting him, of thinking of him whenever her brain wasn’t otherwise occupied with work or Summer.

But what had happened in the bath...she lost her breath just thinking about it, remembering how boldly she’d asked to live out a secret fantasy with him.

And how wonderfully he’d complied.

Megan was walking up a steep hill, but in the stark light of a new day—of a new year—she simply couldn’t keep lying to herself. She wasn’t breathless because of the hill.

She was breathless because she was thinking about Gabe.

But that wasn’t the only thing she couldn’t lie to herself about.

She was falling for him, couldn’t seem to help falling deeper and deeper beneath the beautiful spell he was weaving around her body...and her heart.

Megan gripped the foil-wrapped breakfast he’d made her tighter as she climbed to the top of the hill. The view from this neighborhood never failed to take her breath away and as she stood to catch her breath for a few moments, she wished she could share her wonder at the sunlight sparkling on the blue water in the bay with someone.

With Gabe.

A fire truck drove by just then and she looked more carefully at the firefighters inside than she ever had before. Did they have wives? Children? Siblings? How did all those people who loved them deal with the danger, with the possibility of losing them to smoke and flames and falling beams?

When she was twenty and dating David, the big shock had been finding herself pregnant. She hadn’t known to fear the dangers inherent in his job as a fighter pilot. She’d been too scared thinking about her pregnancy, about giving birth, about having a little baby who depended on her. And, of course, she’d had to deal with the idea that she and David were going to be married. She’d assumed, like all twenty-year-old girls, that she had time to find her knight in shining armor, that she’d keep dating different men until she found him.

Nothing had turned out as she planned. She hadn’t expected to lose that unexpected husband. She hadn’t expected to find such joy in being a young mother.

And she’d never thought to find her knight in shining armor during the scariest moment of her life, huddled in the bathtub with Summer while flames raged around them, the last possible place she would ever have expected to find love.

Love.

Oh God. The foil breakfast packet fell from her fingers and landed on the sidewalk with a thud.

She’d known she was head over heels for the way Gabe laughed, the way he kissed her, the way his hands moved over her skin.

But love...

No, she thought as she bent down to pick up the food from the pavement. She didn’t want to lie to herself, truly wanted to start the year with a fresh, clean slate of truth. Only, she now knew something else, something she could never have understood as an innocent twenty-year-old who’d been getting ready to grab life by the horns.

Sometimes, when things were too difficult to face, the best thing to do was to stuff them away.

Because sometimes, pretending was the only way to keep moving forward.

Chapter Twenty-three

It was one thing to pretend when she was alone. It was another thing entirely to keep it up around Summer. Especially when her daughter’s favorite question seemed to be, “When can we see Gabe again?”

Fortunately, she knew he was busy with his multi-day shift. Each day, when Summer asked for a trip to the fire station, Megan held firm. “If he isn’t working, he’s probably sleeping. We can’t bother him.”

Summer was back in school when Sophie called Megan to meet for lunch. Of course she wanted to see her friend. But she was worried that the pretending that had been difficult with Summer just might prove to be impossible with Gabe’s sister.

Fortunately, Sophie’s wide smile of greeting outside the little bistro was all it took for Megan’s nerves to disappear.

“You look great.”

“You do, too.”

Yet again, Megan wished she could pull off Sophie’s simple chic. Instead of wearing jeans and a sweater like everyone else in the bistro, her friend had on a long wool skirt that swished around her ankles as they walked over to their table. She thought back to their conversation in the potting shed when Sophie had been upset over someone. A man.

Well, whoever he was, Megan thought, he had to be blind not to notice her sweet, pretty friend.

As soon as they ordered, Sophie asked, “Did you do anything fun during Summer’s winter break from school?”

Megan barely kept her eyes from widening in alarm. She couldn’t possibly lie to her friend, but at the same time, she didn’t know what she could say about Gabe to his sister. Not when her feelings were currently twisted up in a tight knot.

“We spent some time in the snow for a few days and then came back home and did a few hikes, some craft projects, and memorized most of the iCarly episodes on cable. And of course she got way too many presents from her grandparents. What about you? How were your last couple of weeks?”