She’s rigid in my arms, and I’m terrified that I’ve fucked this all up, that it’s too much too soon and that I’ve undone all the progress we’ve made with one stupid decision. She puts a hand on my chest and pushes, so I reluctantly release my hold on her and step back. My anxiety is through the roof, and I finally have some inkling as to how she must feel when things get totally out of control for her, because I feel like everything is out of control for me.

“Take a breath.” Her warm, soft hand smooths up my chest.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. Let’s go home. We’ll use a back exit.”

“RJ, I’m fine.” She settles a palm on my cheek, and I cover it with my hand, keeping her connected to me.

“But we were swarmed.” I run my free hand down her arm and search her face and any other exposed skin for marks or bruises or any other sign that she’s been harmed in some way. “And then I couldn’t see where you’d gone and you have my phone and there were so many fucking people and I didn’t know where you were.” Jesus. I think I’m losing it right now.

“Hey, hey.” Lainey takes my face in both her hands. “Deep breath, baby. I’m here, and I’m fine.” She wraps her arms around my neck. “Looks like my big teddy bear needs some safety cuddles.”

I pull her against me, not really caring if I look weak or like an idiot, because she’s right. I need her—to feel her and know she’s safe and here. I bury my face against her neck and work on calming the hell down. “I thought this was going to be too much for you, and then you’d leave me.”

She keeps her arms draped over my shoulders but leans back, forcing me to lift my head. “Why would I leave you over something like this?”

I keep my arms locked around her waist so she can’t go anywhere, not that it seems like she’s planning to. “I just . . . I thought it would be too much like what happened when you were in college, and then you’d decide you couldn’t handle it, or me, or my life, and then you’d say forget it.”

She fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. “You do realize how completely irrational that is, right?”

I actually didn’t realize that at all until she pointed it out just now. “I panicked,” I say meekly.

“I panic all the time, and you still love me, don’t you?”

“You’re way more chill than you used to be.”

“That’s because I have you and your safety cuddles and Kody and all of these amazing people who love and support me. It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a swarm of fans to get rid of me, RJ.” She tips her chin up, looking for a kiss.

I drop my head and steal a long one. “I love you,” I tell her when I finally come back up for air.

“I love you too. Now, let’s do some shots.”

CHAPTER 28

QUESTIONS

Rook

Three months later

Every time I open my underwear drawer I break out in nervous sweats. It makes me respect my girlfriend, the mother of my child, and future wife even more, because a lot of things make her feel this way and she always powers through.

“So, are we planning a wedding or what?” my sister asks.

“I haven’t asked y—”

A loud bang interrupts me, like something metal hitting the floor. “Did you finally propose?” my mother yells enthusiastically. I spot her as an indistinct blur moving around in the kitchen.

I give my sister a look—she could’ve warned me that our mom was listening in. She gives me her I’m sorry face, but it’s not very convincing.

“He hasn’t asked yet, Mom,” Stevie supplies for me.

“Oh. And here I was getting all excited for nothing,” she calls out.

“You two could try getting excited about the fact that playoffs are coming up soon and Chicago is currently number one.”

Stevie rolls her eyes. “I’ve been shopping for my disguise just in case Mom and I end up needing to come visit for the finals this year.”

There’s noise in the background, and my mom asks something I don’t catch.

Stevie smirks at whatever she said. “Mom wants to know what’s the holdup on the marriage proposal—and frankly, so do I. You’ve had that ring for months now.”

Awesome—now both of them are getting on my ass about this. “I’m waiting for the right time.”

“And when will that be? When you knock her up again?” My mom’s sass is second only to Violet’s.

Stevie snickers. “Nice burn, Mom.”

“I don’t think the two of you living together out there in LA is good for you.”

“Don’t try to change the subject.” My mom’s face appears beside Stevie’s, and she pins me with a look. “And Stevie is probably moving in with her boyfriend at the end of the summer, so I’m going to enjoy what’s probably going to be the last time I have a fun roommate.”

“Whoa. What? Moving in with your boyfriend? What the hell? Why don’t I know about this?” Stevie usually tells me everything, even the stuff I probably don’t want to know.

“Because I don’t actually know if it’s going to happen.” Stevie pokes our mom in the shoulder. “I need to know what my summer plans are going to be, and you need to stop dragging your ass, because I’m banking on a short engagement so you and Lainey can get busy making more babies for me to love.”

“You realize that this is a super uncomfortable conversation to have with my mom and sister, right?”

“You tried to have the sex talk with me two years ago, like I was still fifteen, so this is payback. Stop waffling and just ask her, dammit.”

“I’m not waffling. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to ask her. And I want to make sure she’s ready.”

Stevie arches her brow. “You have a baby together, you live together, the last time we visited she was talking about how she thinks it would be best to have kids close together. I’m pretty damn sure she’s ready.”

“I’d like to have more grandchildren,” Mom adds. “And it would be great if you could have a wedding before you give me another one. I’d also like to request a granddaughter if at all possible.”

“First, let’s get him to propose, Mom.” Stevie grins evilly as Mom wanders back to the kitchen. “Look, Lainey doesn’t need some big grand gesture. She just needs you to ask so she can say yes, and then we can start planning, and you two can have more babies or whatever. I say go with simple. Maybe do that thing where they put the ring in the bottom of a champagne glass or something.”

“What if she chokes on it, though?” Mom asks.

“It was just a suggestion.” Stevie slaps her thighs. “What’s the thing that’s most symbolic of your relationship?”

“Kody.” That’s a no-brainer.

“So include him somehow. He’s the reason you’re together, so make him part of it.”

“That’s actually a great idea.” Simon and I have had similar conversations over the past few months. I asked him back at Christmas for permission to marry Lainey, and since then he’s been on me about when I’m popping the question. He’s also mentioned the expansion draft quite a few times, and often those two conversations happen at the same time.